Let"s talk about Being Single

If you read my last post you saw that I want to start a blog series of sorts where I discuss the daily struggles and situations I think are "hot topics" for a 22 year old female. Also, if you read my last post, you would have seen that I wanted to write about boys in the next week. Well, its more than two weeks later and I am not talking about boys. It began about boys but has transpired into a blog about being single and dealing with it. So if you were expecting boys, sorry, we'll get to them someday. I mean how interesting are they anyways?

Nah, not that interesting at all ;)

So, what gives me authority to speak on the matter? Well, in most eyes, nothing. I have never been in any semblance of a relationship. I am only 22 and have not had enough "experience" in the area of relationships. However, I will say that in my 22 years I have seen my friends go through so many heartbreaks and difficulties with their relationships. I have listened to elders, preachers, and ministers tell me to be wary of who I date and how to properly choose my future husband. Most importantly,  I have studied the Bible and I have read what God says about relationships and who he says we should choose as our mate.

"You marry who you date." This is what I have been told since I was about thirteen years old. Anytime my youth minister spoke about dating this is what he always said and it is so true. A lot of my friends would call me high maintenance and picky because I live by this when it comes to relationships. I, even sometimes wonder if I'm too choosy when it comes to boyfriends. However, I know that by setting standards and following them that I am saving myself for a marriage that will last. And, in today's society where forty to fifty percent of new marriages will end in divorce, it is of great worth to be so selective.

God says a few things about being single and its value and how to and who choose when searching for your spouse. He says in I Corinthians 7:32-37, " I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.  I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well." God says that being unmarried puts your whole attention on the Lord and makes you anxious about Him instead of worldly things. It is better to be single, if your desires are in control, so that you may focus wholly on God and God says that that person will do well. God says also that we should not be with unbelievers. I need to choose a Christian to be my mate. He states as much in II Corinthians 6:14-17, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,

“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
    and I will be their God,
    and they shall be my people. 

 Therefore go out from their midst,
    and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
    then I will welcome you,"

 I think, also, personally I need to become comfortable with my "singleness" as it is in order that I may find "Mr. Right" as he is so ridiculously called. Because, let's face it who really is Mr. Right? But that is besides the point right now. I think that any young lady looking for her husband needs to be content in her single-hood. She and I both need to realize that being single is not all that terrible. For the most part, this is pretty easy for me. However, there are some days (more than I'd like to admit) that I am not happy being single. I see all these couples, especially at this Christian university where the M.R.S. degree is the most sought after document, and I think to myself, "What a wonderful world." No, but really, it gets to me. I see these couples getting married, having children, and the green eyed monster seeps in. I want children and a husband, but what I don't realize in my dream state is that I do not want them now. There is no way that at 22 I am mentally able to sustain a relationship with someone else let alone take care of mini me's. Quickly, I slap myself out of dream world and wake up to the realization that I am single and that is where I need to be right now.

Being single is such a glorious thing and at this point in your life it is the best time to not be "with" someone else.  There is no better time to celebrate the joys of single-hood than in your college years. There is no need to be tied down to anyone and be dependent on another person. This is your time to explore and branch out. It's your time to build your own life. This is when you begin to build your own faith and not the faith of your parents. This is when you learn how to live on your own and become responsible for yourself. This is the time to find others who believe and think the way you do and to find those that do not so that you have hearty debates that test and strengthen your faith. This is only the beginning. This is when you truly begin to define yourself and figure out who you are. It is only then, as you realize and define your identity, that you begin to look for your helpmate. 

Another motive that keeps me single is Facebook. I mean, don't even get me started. Oh wait, I already have. Facebook has got to be the worst thing for relationships since the idea of an open relationship. I mean with so many ways that a person can be in a relationship these days it's a wonder that the divorce rate isn't higher. I mean you can be in and out of a "relationship" within hours. Facebook has taken the term relationship and made it a popular idea that a relationship isn't actually a relationship until it's "Facebook official." How inane!  Sorry for that tangent, but it needed to be said. 

With all this rambling I have just done, I hope that I have written something beneficial to you whether about your single life, your relationships or even if I simply made you laugh. I write what I write mostly for my own catharsis, but I do hope it puts joy into my readers lives as well and hopefully helps them in some way. And just remember, the next time you see a couple, that being single is not all that bad and much better than people make it seem.

 

Let's talk about

I am thinking about starting a blog series of sorts. If you can't tell by the title this series is called, "Let's talk about..." I want to focus my series on some struggles or areas of life that are prevalent in my everyday as a 22 year old about to graduate college. I also want to get feedback from anyone about what topic they would want to get my perspective on. So, if you are one of the few who read my blog please leave a comment on this post or any of my future ones about something you would like to read. My first post in this series will be, Let's talk about Boys. I am going to give a little insight into my mind when it comes to boys. I have never been in a relationship, yet all my friends come to me for advice about their romantic relationships. I think because I've been on the outside of so many relationships I have a fresh perspective on boys and how their mind works. So tune in the next week or so and see if you learn anything new or even have something to argue with :)

xo Brittany

One year later...

... and we are still reeling.

For all that today meant to me and family, it was a relatively normal day. For those of you who don't know a year ago on September 20th my mom passed away suddenly from congestive heart failure. So, this weekend I came home from college to visit. I brought my friend Lauren with me because I knew that it would be a rough weekend without the distraction, I needed to get homework done, and I just genuinely love Lauren's company. I have thought about mama all day but I have not dwelt on the bad which is so great. Though, Wednesday night I did have a nightmare, where basically I was reliving that week over again from her death to her funeral.

So where is my grief after a year? There are five stages to loss and grief:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
What I have learned in a year is that these stages come and go and you may not experience them in this order or even all of them. However, over the course of the year I have, for the most part, experienced all five stages. I know I experienced all five within the six days that her death and funeral occurred. Since then I have experienced them again.

The first stage I experienced was DENIAL. When I was told my mom was dead, my first reaction was, "NO! NO! NO!" I literally screamed these words along with, "She was my best friend!" Denial is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a way of dealing with the shock. Denial, for me, lasted for the five minutes I was crying into Heather's hug and possibly part of the drive back home (I was at college at the time).

ANGER came pretty fast and left fairly quickly as well. I was angry that whole weekend and occasionally, even now, I experience spurts of anger. What got me through it though? It's simple, God. A lot of people ask why does God lets bad things happen to good people. I think St. Basil answers this well in his writing On The Human Condition, "evil is a privation of good." Just as darkness is the absence of light, evil is the absence of good. Think of it as a constant line; God is the absolute good at one end and the more we pervert that goodness as human beings the further away man comes away from God on the other end. Basil puts it like this, "the soul is made evil through a perversion of what is according to nature." God is not the author of evil, we as human beings pervert the goodness He is and to put it simply, bad things happen.

The next stage, BARGAINING, was something I held onto for a while and still contemplate. It wasn't so much that I was trying to make a deal with God, because my mom was already gone and I knew I couldn't get her back. However, I was looking for some control. I was asking the what if questions. What iF I had been there with her? What if she hadn't been so stubborn and called the ambulance earlier? This one for me is still the hardest to overcome, but I try my best everyday to look past the what ifs. Again I turn to the Bible. There are so many verses that tell me there is reason, what ifs are not the right questions to be asking, and all that happens is for the good. My favorite verse to look to during my sadness or any struggle really is Romans 8:28. This verse says, " and we know that for those that love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."

DEPRESSION may be one of the hardest stages to go through. You become extremely aware of the reality of death. Some are so aware they say, "What is the point if I am going to die anyways?" or, " I miss my loved one, why go on?" Much of my time depressed was sitting alone in my room crying and grieving. It is important to go through this process. Feeling all of these emotions shows that you have begun to accept the situation.

This brings me to ACCEPTANCE, the last stage. This is where I began to realize that it was going to be okay, there was nothing I could do about it, and I might as well get on with my life. Because most of all my mom would be extremely upset if I could not get past my grief for her loss. I know at one point I thought about quitting school to be with and help my family. My uncles convinced me otherwise and the main reasoning they gave me was that my mom would have not wanted that at all. She did not spend her life putting me through school and teaching me to value knowledge and growth just for me to throw it away. I now can honestly say I have accepted what has happened but that does not mean that I am free from or have not experienced these stages again. It comes at you like a wrecking ball sometimes and knocks you to the ground but you now know how and can get back up.

I wanted to write about grief on the one year passing of my mom in order to fully let go of all these thoughts and hopefully help anyone who is or has or may go through what I am going through. I hope that you can read this and see a first person perspective and you can know and understand that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

With that said I want to leave you with a few words from my favorite song (it gets me through the hard times and puts a smile on my face).

xo Brittany

At the name of Jesus every knee shall bow

When is the last time you got down on your knees and prayed? Have you ever cried during prayer? Are you a consistent person in prayer and how do you become consistent in prayer? I Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to pray constantly. When you really think about it, this is a very difficult thing to do. How can you pray constantly? How can your mind always be in prayer when you have school, work, and a social life?

I want to say that I am no authority on this subject. In fact, I am writing about it because I struggle with the idea of prayer and constant prayer all the time. It is one of my biggest struggles. However, through many devotionals and lessons I have heard and been a part of, I feel that I have some new insight on the matter. I have heeded the advice given to me and I have started practicing it out in my daily life. Already I have seen much improvement in my spiritual and even my physical life.  

First of all, it is important to note that I do not believe this verse is telling us that we have to be saying a prayer every second of everyday. Praying constantly does not require us to be in prayer even throughout school and classes. That would just be a distraction. However, I think if we set our mind on God as soon as we wake up in the morning then our day becomes more focused and it will be easier to stay in prayer and communication with him. 

Second, I think that praying constantly does not require an outspoken prayer said constantly throughout the day. I think it can be thoughts running through your head with your mind still on God. If I go to class and make it there on time, I thank God. If I do well on a test, I thank God. Give him praise daily. Realize that none of the good that happens to you is on your own accord, it is His will and we should praise him daily. 

Third, there needs to be some sort of discipline in your physical life. By scheduling out your day or working out or anything that disciplines your body you are training your body to become a "well oiled machine" of sorts. I say this to say that by disciplining your physical life it will be much easier to discipline your spiritual life. By disciplining your spiritual life, you are placing God at the forethought of your mind as he should be. 
 

By training your mind to focus on God, your schedule easily shifts from a habit to something that becomes enjoyable. A passion for God will arise I believe like never before. When you say you are praying for someone, you actually do. When you are struggling, the first thing you do is go to prayer with Him. When you realize that God is there and answers every prayer (Psalm 145:18-20) your day is carried in confidence and you go before others spreading his word and telling of the power of Him and prayer to Him.

What struggles are you facing? Do you know someone who needs to be lifted up to God? I challenge you this week to make an honest prayer to God, put your whole trust in Him and know that he will answer you and see how he answers you and the glory and prize you will receive.

Much love,

Brittany

Music I'm feelin'

Just wanted to share the music, old or new, that I am diggin' on right now

Ariana Grande- Baby I

Emblem3- Sunset Blvd

Hoodie Allen- No Faith in Brooklyn

Backstreet Boys- In a World Like This

The Summer Set- Lightning in a Bottle

Justin Timberlake- Pusher Love Girl

One Direction- Best Song Ever

(I know, I can't help myself)

Also, lately I have been poppin' on the 90's pop Pandora station and jammin' to some *NSYNC, BSB, Britney Spears, Three Doors Down, etc. It's been a good music filled summer. 

Sorry for all the apostrophes but I need you to understand how much I'm lovin' these jams ;)

My Summer In Review

So this summer has been a tad adventurous. Well, I've done stuff. Of course, mostly I've sat at home all summer but there has been a few days where things have happened. 

I stayed in Montgomery a few days after classes ended. I went to see some of my closest friends graduate. I stayed at a friends house. After graduation, Rebecca and I drove to Melanie's house and went to the beach the next day. We had fun chilling on the beach and going out to dinner. I left for home the next day. 

 

I spent most of the summer with my family and Lexi of course. She graduated kindergarten this year and we are all so proud of her. She also cut half of her hair and let's just say I don't think she has a future as a hairdresser. Lexi also celebrated her seventh birthday and got a pool so we spent most of our time "swimming." 

 

We also spent most of our Tuesdays at trade day selling a bunch of our stuff. We made some money but not a lot. Things have been a financial struggle so we've been doing anything we can to make a little extra. At trade day in June, we received the cutest thing ever! The lady next to us was giving away pit bull puppies and I couldn't resist. So, I introduce you to BoBo :)

 He is so rambunctious and always wanting to bite but I still love him :)

Brianna and I also went to a couple of concerts this summer and man did we have fun. We went to...wait for it....a Rascal Flatts concert!!! Ahh!!! They're only my favorite country band ever! And we saw Cassadee Pope from The Voice and The Band Perry which were equally amazing!

 Yes I bought a shot glass even though I don't drink. I'm going to start collecting them like one of my cousins does.

Recently, we went to Warped Tour. We haven't been since 2010. This year I got to get pictures with my favorite bands, The Summer Set and Forever the Sickest Kids!
                                                     

How awesome and cute are they? So much fun!

My brother in law, his nephew, and Brianna and I went to a local park and went caving. It was my first time and so much fun. It wasn't anything professional, just a small climb down into this huge room. There was even a bat. Definitely one of the coolest things I've done.

Lastly, a week or so ago my family and I went to Arkansas for my cousin Allison's wedding. It was a great time and I really enjoyed getting to see family that we only see once or twice a year. I even (though I tried very hard not to) caught the bouquet. 

All of this sounds really fun and exciting but in total it equals out to maybe ten days of the whole summer. The other 80 or so days has been spent at home watching television, YouTube videos and Vine. Brianna and I have been deeply immersed in our favorite tv shows, like Pretty Little Liars and Teen Wolf. I also found a deep obsession with watching people on YouTube mostly beauty gurus. My favorites have been zoella, pointlessblog,and sprinkleofglitter. I highly recommend you watching them. I also have spent the better part of my summer watching the six second videos of Vine. Marcus Johns is by far my favorite and absolutely hilarious. I also enjoy Brittany Furlan. 

Also, and most exciting for me, I got a new haircut. I've been wanting it for a while and the style is even inspired by a youtuber, strawburry17. I love it so much and hope you do too!

Overall I have thoroughly enjoyed my relaxing summer before adulthood as I like to see it. What have you done this summer and what was your favorite thing?

xo Brittany

The Dawn of a New Day

A lot has been on my mind lately. This summer has been so hectic yet so chill. I haven't done much of anything and still all my brain has done is go nonstop. I mean its literally been running like the energizer bunny. One reason is because of my new obsession with YouTube. I have been watching vlogger style videos constantly on there. The people I watch talk about many subjects ranging from beauty and fashion to everyday life events. I love watching their daily lives which may seem a bit pathetic. However, it has inspired me to want to blog more. At first I thought I could accomplish some videos as well, but I'm not quite sure I'm confident enough for that. Mostly, I have become inspired even more to really do something with my life when I graduate in December.

And  most definitely travel is one thing I want to do with my life. I have always wanted to travel. I have set a goal since I was about sixteen to visit all seven continents before I die. As an archaeologist, I am hoping this can be accomplished a little more easier. Yet, I think I really want to travel on my own before settling into a job. For a while now I have been telling friends I want to be a hobo. Not someone who does not have a job and lives on the streets. I use the word hobo to say that I want to be a wanderer. I want to take the money I have, the clothes on back, and set out to explore and learn and grow. 

In the back of my mind though I am planning for a job and graduate school. I am making plans to live with my sister and get her through college. I am essentially struggling between putting my degree to a monetary use or throwing it to the wind and just running. 

So with my last semester in sight it is easy to see that I have many choices ahead of me. But with all of that said I cannot wait for what the future holds.

xo Brittany